HOW TO WIN FRIENDES AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE – How to PERSUADE and MANIPULATE people

30 SECRETS FOR PERSUATING PEOPLE:

1. DO NOT CRITICIZE

Criticism is useless because it puts you on the defensive and induces you to seek a solution by making excuses. It is dangerous because it arouses resentment.

ES: On a construction site the workers didn’t use helmets and the boss told them to use them, but when the boss left the workers still didn’t have helmets, so the boss decided to inform the workers by telling them that the helmet was needed for their safety to avoid head damage.

2. PERSUADING SOMEONE

The way to get something from someone is to make the other person want what we want.

ES: people want more: health, food, sleep, money, life, sexual gratification, children’s happiness and to feel important.

3. EMPATHIZE

Being able to see from the other person’s point of view, arousing our own will in others.

4. BE SINCERELY INTERESTED IN OTHERS

5. SMILE

6. REMEMBER PEOPLE’S NAME

7. LISTEN

YOU MUST BE A GOOD LISTENER and encourage the other to talk.

8. INTERESTS OF OTHERS

Talk about what people care about.

ES: If a person likes football he talks about football.

9. IMPORTANCE

Make others feel important and try to have this result as naturally as possible

ES:  People need sincere approval, for example you did an excellent job or a compliment to things, for example this house is very bright it makes me feel weightless I feel like I am flying or the house is  pretty solid, use the phrases: thank you, sorry the trouble, would you be so kind as to.., please.

10. AVOID ARGUMENTS

11. RESPECT

Show respect for other people’s opinions, never say “she is wrong” rather use phrases like I think this way, for me..

12. BEING WRONG

If you’re wrong, admit it dispassionately.

ES: the police stop you and tell you that the insurance has expired admit that you knew and continue to say other things to reinforce that you knew for example that you deserve a huge fine and to withdraw my driving license and put me in jail.

13. BE FRIENDLY

Always start with being friends.

14. ANSWER YES

Make sure that the interlocutor is always induced to answer yes from the beginning of the conversation.

ES: you ask him a few questions like do you like pizza, yes  the place is nice yes..

15. GET THE TALK

Let your interlocutors chat as much as they want.

16. RIGHT IDEA

Give others the feeling that you have had the right idea.

ES: We are grateful if you give us some suggestions to improve our product.

17. POINT OF VIEW

Try to see things from the interlocutor’s point of view.

18. RESPECT OTHERS’ IDEAS

19. NOBLE REASONS

Appeal to the noblest motives.

ES: You are a man of your word… either don’t publish the photo because my mother doesn’t like it, or if there is a hot photo of you around you can say don’t advertise because the children will be traumatized.

20. DRAMATISE IDEAS

ES: Make your ideas more “extreme” eg put 5 phones on a table with competitors price tags and then show your lowest price.

21. MAKE A CHALLENGE

ES: Creates a competition with other people to make them work better eg in a factory a group of workers had made 50 stitches and the other group of workers were shown a sign with the number of stitches that the others had made was asked if they could do better.

22. CRITICIZE

To criticize a flaw, use the ‘but‘ and then make honest comments.

23. INTELLIGENT CRITICISM

To criticize and not be hated you need to draw attention to the mistakes of others in an indirect way.

ES: Some smokers smoked in an area where it was forbidden and the boss, seeing them, only said: I’d like it if you smoked somewhere else.

24. ERRORS

Talk about your mistakes before pointing out those of others

25. NO ORDERS

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

ES: You don’t think it should be done this way, you should consider doing this. 

26. REPUTATION

Have the other person save face.

ES: When you fire someone you have to say: “She has what it takes and she will definitely find another job”.

27. OTHERS’ SUCCESS

To spur people to success praise the smallest progress be warm and generous with praise.

ES: with children, praise their commitment rather than their intelligence.

28. DEFEND REPUTATION

Give others the impression that you have a reputation to uphold.

ES: One time a mechanic was working slower than usual and the boss started talking to him saying Bill you are a good mechanic and you have been working with us for years and you have fixed many vehicles and lately I am seeing that it takes you a while too much to finish the job and as you have been a top notch mechanic in the past and perhaps together we can resolve this situation.

29. ENCOURAGEMENT

Use encouragement by showing how easy it is to correct mistakes.

ES: A dance teacher told a student who was a bit rusty in his movements that his style was a bit old but the basis was correct and that you will have no problem improving.

30. HINT

Make the other person happy to do what you suggest, rules:

• Be sincere don’t promise anything you can’t keep, forget your own return and focus on that of others.
• Try to establish exactly what you want the other person to do.
• Be understanding and ask what exactly that other person wants to do about.
• Consider the benefits the other person will receive by doing what you tell them to.
• Consider the benefits the other person wants to derive from it.
• When you ask for what you want, you make it possible for the other person to derive a personal advantage from it.

Es: if you want someone to clean the warehouse.. Jhon we have a job that should be completed quickly, if we do it now we will never find him again, customers have to come and look in the warehouse, I would like to show them but it is a a little messy, if you can clean it and put the goods in order and clean the till it would give an idea of efficiency and you would have done your part very well to save the image of the company.